Since Forever
by girllybell
Summary: What happens when the star-crossed lovers of District Twelve really are star-crossed? Peeta and Katniss met each other on the first day of school, and slowly their friendship turned into something more. When they go into the games together, their love is tested. How will their relationship fair under the scrutiny of the Capitol?
1. The First Sight

PPOV

"See that girl over there?" My father pointed to a girl with two long braids hanging down her red plaid dress. She was holding tightly onto a man's hand who I presumed to be her father. She must have been as scared as I was of the first day of school, judging by the death grip she had on him. I nodded my head at my father's question. I had noticed her as soon as we walked into the school yard. She looked pretty just standing there, waiting for the first day of her education. I hadn't looked away from her since I saw her, except to flicker my eyes towards my father's probing ones as he asked me that question.

"I wanted to marry her mother," my eyes snapped back to his and away from the plaid dressed girl. My dad saw that he had my attention and continued. "But she ran off with a coal miner."

"A coal miner? Why would she want a coal miner when she could have had you?" If she married a coal miner then she must be living in the Seem now, and judging from the way my dad specifically mentioned he was a coal miner, she had probably been a merchant. A merchant who would turndown food and a life of relative comfort for likely starvation and a coal liner for a husband? I must have been missing something.

"Because when he sings... even the birds stop and listen." He got quiet after he told me the missing piece to the puzzle. His eyes were distant as he got lost in memories of the past, of the mother of the pretty girl with two braids and a plaid dress.

KPOV

"Bye daddy!" I had yelled as the other kids and I were herded off into school.

"Bye Katniss! I'll walk you home from school today, okay? I'll meet you right here. Love you sweetie!" My dad called to me as I went through the doors and into the school building.

The walls were gray and the floors had been dirty too but that didn't matter to me. I was finally going to school. In District 12, we started school at eight years old, and I was at last going to learn how things ticked. I was so excited that I didn't even realize someone was staring at me until I saw a boy approach me.

His eyes were blue like my mother's, and his hair was as golden as my sister's. Those bright blue orbs sparkled as he came to stand in front of me. His gray pants and blue button up shirt looked expensive, something a merchant kid would wear. I couldn't help but feel a bit wary, but that soon faded when he smiled at me. He obviously didn't care that I was noticeably not in his rank. He seemed friendly, a quality some of the other merchant kids I had encountered had not had. There was no smugness in his eyes, no teasing to be made about my dark hair and gray eyes, a tell-tale sign that I was from the Seem. I had already started to like him, and he hadn't even opened his mouth.

"Hi." He said, almost shyly as he looked down towards the ground. I didn't miss the small smile still playing on the edge of his lips.

"I'm Katniss." I told the boy and stuck my hand out to him. He grinned widely as he took my hand and shook it.

"Peeta." We dropped hands and turned to a lady up front as she introduced herself as our music teacher.

I smiled as she led us into a room. It was the first day and I already had a friend. Dad was right. There was nothing to be afraid of.

PPOV

We sat down together in the classroom we were led into, Katniss and I. The chairs were set up in a circle around a large black thing that the teacher said was a piano. It looked really old, really scratched up, but it was still beautiful, to me at least. I wondered what it did.

The rest of the excited kids took a seat as they stared at the piano, wondering the same thing as I had. Everyone was sitting down, bouncing in their seats as the teacher went to stand by some bench in front of the piano.

"Does anyone know the valley song?" The teacher questioned, looking around the room expectantly. As soon as the words were out of her mouth Katniss's hand flew straight into the air as she grinned eagerly. I wondered if she could sing as good as her father apparently could.

"Good, good!" She clapped her thin hands and went to the corner of the room to grab a stool for Katniss. The teacher stood her up on the stool and told her to sing. Her melodic voice drifted around the room and out the open window where even the birds grew silent to listen. My jaw dropped and I stared at the beautiful girl before me as she hopped of the stool and came to sit next to me. I grabbed her hand and held on, and she grinned at me as the teacher began to teach the class about what Katniss already knew.


	2. The First Kiss

PPOV

I was running. Running towards the coal mines, where I knew Katniss would be, waiting to see if her father would make it out of the explosion this time. I had heard the thunderous noise of the blast and dropped the bread pan I had been carrying to the ovens. I would pay for that later, my mother wouldn't be happy at all, but I didn't care. I had to be there for Katniss, just like I was every time there was a mining accident. She would be hysterical, looking for her father every time the elevator doors opened, dumping out miners like water from a bucket. More and more people would be brought up out of the mines but Katniss wouldn't leave until her dad came out. I ran faster, knowing she needed me, knowing that beneath it all she was just a scared little girl, needing somebody, anybody, to comfort her. And I would be there. Finally. I see the mines.

Katniss is sitting on the ground, holding a sobbing Prim, rocking her back and forth and singing her sister a hushed lullaby, all the while her eyes never straying from the men's faces that were coming out of the lift, straining to see if underneath all the black coal one of those men was her father.

I sprinted to them, my best friend and her sister who might as well have been mine, too. Katniss looked up as I tore through the crowd at them. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she answered my unspoken question by slowly shaking her head back and forth. Her father hadn't made it out yet.

I sat on the ground behind the crying girls and held them whispering that it would be okay, he would come out soon, just like always.

But it wouldn't be. The stream of miners that were coming out was turning to a trickle, and her father was still not here, reassuring them that he was fine, as he should've been doing. Instead the doors opened for the last time and out came three or four miners, none of whom the one they were hoping made it out the most. Katniss realized that was it and turned to me and put her face in the crook of my neck and let out terrible sounds as she really began to bawl. I grab Prim up tight and hold onto these two girls who can't stop crying, crying, crying. I squeeze them tight but don't try to tell them it will be okay, because it won't. Today their lives changed forever, and no amount of talking will fix that.

I just rock them back and forth, and look over their heads to see their mother, standing a bit of ways off, with tears silently rolling down her face as she watches the doors that remain closed. I wonder why she isn't over here, holding her daughters with me, but then I realize this woman's job isn't to be a mother to these girls right now. It is to be widow to that man who will be forever locked down in those mines. And as much as I want to go over to her and scream at her for not helping her children, I can't. Because I get it. The love of her life is gone. I would do the same if it were Katniss.

KPOV

I see him running. Running at me and Prim like we're freedom, and the gates holding him in are about to close. I shake my head. No, my father hasn't come out yet, I tell him in that one movement. As if he can't already tell. I'm sitting on the ground clutching to Prim rocking and singing to her, wondering where in the world my mother is, wondering why she isn't here with us, comforting us. These thoughts are soon blown out of my mind as Peeta takes over her job, protecting us as my mother should.

We take refuge in his arms, as he holds us and whispers into our ears about how everything is going to be okay, it will all be okay. However, I have a feeling that it won't. I have a feeling, that as these elevator doors open for the last time, as they are now, that these last men that walk out of the lift will not be my father, that we lost him forever. And, as I watch to see if the doors are going to open again, I realize that I am right. My father won't be here anymore to sing me and Prim to sleep, or to take me out hunting as he would sometimes on Sundays. He wouldn't be here to give my mother presents as he walked in the door, or make her smile as only he could. We were alone. Me and Prim and my mother are all alone. But as I lean back and feel a warm body behind me, holding me, loving me, I realize that this is not true. We have Peeta.

I turn around in his arms and cry into his neck and he holds me until I don't think I can cry anymore. I lift my head and look up into those big blue eyes and nod, telling him that I am okay, and I receive a nod back. He understands. I look around to see that Prim has found my mother, and is holding onto her as though she would never let go. I hadn't even noticed when she got up. My next thought brings even more tears to my eyes, though they don't spill over. My father was always the one to hold Prim when she cried, to console her when nobody else could. And now he was gone.

I don't know what's going to happen now, but as I look up into Peeta's eyes I know that it will be okay, as long as he's here with me. I find that my arms have been hugged between me and Peeta the entire time I had my breakdown so I lean back and almost immediately I miss his warmth. I free my arms only to throw them around his neck and hug him, silently thanking him for what he has done. I pull back but leave my arms where they are around his neck, and realize just how close we are. How close his lips are to mine. I silently press mine to his, just once, before I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I'm so tired that I can't even care that I've just changed everything, that I've turned my best friend into something more.

I wrap my arms around his waist and I feel him pick me up with him when he gets up a few minutes later. He cradles me against him, and carries me back to my house where he tucks me into my bed. I finally open my eyes, to find his, staring back at me. They are not swimming with questions as I had imagined. They are full of understanding. He stands up from his position kneeling on the floor next to my bed and turns to go.

"Wait. Stay." I say softly and pull back the covers next to me. "Don't go. Stay with me." His back is turned but I know he heard me and slowly he turns around with conflicted eyes, but none the less, in he crawls, right next to me. We are facing each other, and his body is close to mine. Our noses almost touch and we breath the same air as we look into each others eyes. I press my lips to his for the second time and he kisses me, soft and slow. I break away, too soon, but snuggle up next to him and he wraps his arms around me.

"I love you." I whisper for the first time.

And as I'm drifting off to sleep in the safe cocoon of his arms, dreaming of his kisses and how I hope that although they are our first, they won't be our last, I hear him softly whisper back, "I love you, too, Katniss. I always have. Nothing can change that."


	3. The Almost Girl

**Okay guys! So, I know I haven't updated in a while; it took me forever to write this chapter, but you will see why when you read it. Oh, and if you haven't already figured it out, the first part of this story is drabble, but when it should go pretty much day by day of what is happening after the reaping. Hope y'all enjoy it!**

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_K__POV_

"_You can't trust him, Katniss! I don't know why you think you can! You just meet a guy in the woods, and you think its alright to go off and hunt together! He could hurt you Katniss! You and him all alone in the woods together. He could take advantage of you!" I brush past Peeta and continue to the table that is set up in my kitchen._

"_I don't want to have this discussion right now Peeta! I trust him. We've been working together for months now, the only reason I didn't tell you sooner was because I knew you would freak! And anyways, if Gale was going to try something don't you think he would have done it already? I honestly don't know why you're so riled up, I mean I knew you'd be a bit jealous bu-" I start to tell him as I am taking my game and the stuff I got at the Hob out of my bag._

"_Jealous? You think I'm jealous? Are you kidding me? I'm past jealous, I'm betrayed! How could you not tell me sooner? It's one thing for you to hunt all alone and not let me come, you won't even _try_ to teach me how! But to go behind my back with someone else and do it... Why Katniss? Why? Is it me?" His voice gets softer and softer until it is just a whisper as he grabs me and spins me around, making me look into his eyes. "Why?" His eyes are so beautiful. They hadn't changed since that first day I met him, when he grabbed my hand in music class. I can never lie to Peeta when I look into those eyes. And he knows it._

"_You wanna know why Peeta?" I ask, my voice quivering, just a sliver above a whisper. "Why I don't let you come with me, but I hunt with Gale? Because if something happened to you out there, I don't know what I'd do, because it would be my fault for not protecting you. I don't care what happens to Gale, not really. Sure we're friends, if you can call it that. But I don't love him, not like I do you, Peeta." I finally look away from his eyes, knowing what comes next is a lie, its not what I want, and I can't look into his eyes while I say it. "And that's why I want you to go Peeta. I need to focus on feeding Prim and I'm the only one who can do that. You need to leave, we can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore." _

_I break free of his arms and go to open the door. "Peeta. I'm sorry. Its just after all these years, you've gotten so close to my heart that if something happened to you I'd die. I can't afford to feel that way right now. I have to take care of Prim and my mother. You have to go." I avoid looking at his face, knowing that if I do, my resolve will break and I will beg for him to stay with me, to never let me go. I'm openly sobbing now, hugging myself and pressing the door open with my back, staring at the ground._

"_Katniss don't do this. Don't do this. I love you. _Please_. I love you." He has a hold of my shoulders, now. He is lightly shaking me, trying to get me to look up, but I can't do that. I can't stop now. I have be there for my sister and my mother and he is distracting me. "Katniss! I could help you guys out, I've told you this before! I can take care of you Katniss, all three of you. Please just give it a chance, we could make it work. I love you." He has just opened a door, a way for me to cut him loose, although he probably doesn't realize it. I don't want to do this, I don't think I can. I have been trying to het up the courage to for a while now, months. And I really want to back out, I just can't do this. But I have to._

"_I don't want your pity! Don't you see! We're not equal! I don't want you to take care of me! I don't want you to have this over me. If you do this for us, you'll always have control over me. I need to be the one to take care of my family. I can't owe you this, I can't owe you anything more than I already do! Don't you get it?" The tears have soaked my face by now and I point outside. "Leave. Please."_

_He looks at me for what seems like forever, debating what to do. I feel as though I've won the argument, even though I would be on his side, if I had the choice. He suddenly grabs my face roughly and kisses me, hard, for an eternity. And just like that he walks out the door, like its the easiest thing in the world, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I crumple to the ground and cry until Prim finds me, alone and cold, and sits me by the fire so I can tell her everything_

I blink my eyes and groggily sit up, vaguely aware that I've had the dream again, that I've relived the worst moment of my life again, as I have been doing for the last five months. I rub my hands over my face and sit on the side of my bed, tears threatening my eyes. My life without Peeta has been cold, and I feel empty of emotions. I can't even begin to put on a show for Prim and my mother. They know what is wrong, but they don't try to talk about it to me. I've been working twice as hard lately, however, putting more and more food on the table. I hunt to keep my mind off of Peeta, to keep me from falling apart. But this is what I had wanted. To keep away distractions. And I had done a good job. Peeta hadn't spoken to me since. My guess was he was too hurt to try, too afraid I would make him go away again. God, I needed to stop thinking of him. I should get up and start hunting, before school starts I should have a couple hours. But I can't get up. It's too much. I hurts too much. Whenever I hunt I think of how he never learned, how I never taught him. Whenever I talk to Gale, I wish it was Peeta. Who was I kidding? I hunted _to _think about him, not to keep my mind off him. I couldn't do it anymore. I lay back in bed and cry, and wish for Peeta to be here, so he can hold me, and kiss my forehead like he always does when I'm upset. I drift off back to sleep and try not to care that I won't have breakfast for my mother and sister when they wake up. I try not to care and it works. I don't think I'll ever get up again. I understand now, how my mother could sit back and watch us start to starve after my father died, before Peeta tried to help out a little and I learned to hunt. It's hard to do anything when the one person you want isn't here anymore; when the love of your life is gone, one way or another.

PPOV

"Peeta! Peeta! Wait!" I look around for that voice, that sweet little voice, that I have missed in the past five months. I finally see Prim running at me and I almost break down right then. I had missed her so much. I choke back a sob and drop to the ground as I hold out my arms for her. I had been walking home after school, another day without her, Katniss, was wearing on me and I had wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep; it was the only way to keep my mind off of her, and even then only sometimes. Other times he would dream of that day, that horrid, horrid day, when they had last spoken. Prim runs into my waiting embrace but soon pulls out. The look on her face has me worried instantly and I assume the worst, that something has happened to Katniss, and I will never see her face again to tell her I love her. She hadn't been to school in at least a couple weeks, I had already been scared, now I was petrified. But I hadn't gone against her wishes. I had remained strong and stayed out of it, like she wanted. I could never deny her of something she wanted.

"It Katniss." Prim tells me and my heart drops. "We don't know what's wrong. She won't get out of bed, she won't eat or drink anything unless I force it down her throat. I don't know what's going on." Suddenly I can't breath. She looks at me with tears in her eyes as the start spilling over. "She's like how mother was. She's empty. She doesn't see us. She was doing okay for awhile, she was hunting, she was distant, but it was manageable. A few weeks ago she just snapped. She wouldn't get out of bed. I guess finally she just couldn't go through the motions, anymore. It's like she's in another world. You have to help her Peeta. Gale brings by a bit of meat when he can, but he's feeding his own family, too. Its getting bad. We haven't had a real meal for a while now. I don't know what else to do, I'm so scared Peeta. I'm so scared. It's like mother all over again. I don't know what we're going to do."

I held Prim, I held her while we both cried, sitting in the middle of the street. I don't know what to think, I only know what I feel. I feel burdened, scared of what has become of Katniss, and something else. Something shameful. I feel relieved that she missed me. I am guilty but almost glad to know she still loves me. Here was her starving sister in my arms and I was glad she had missed me.

"Why didn't you come to me sooner?" I ask Prim and pull away, steadying the small girl with my hands.

"Because that night that she made you leave she told me I couldn't speak to you anymore. But I had to, Peeta, I had to." I hush her and hold her in my arms until her hysterics stop again.

"Come on." I tell her, and I walk her hurriedly to the bakery. With five loaves of bread in my hand I walk out the door with Prim as we begin the long trek to the Seam in silence, ignoring my mother's screeching at us to stop and come back with her bread. The frigid November air swirls around us making our breath visible. Tiny snowflakes have begun to fall, and they gather in Prim's eyelashes before she can blink them away. Her nose has reddened with the cold and there is frost on her face where her tears have left frozen paths. She looks so tiny, so helpless. I wonder how Katniss could have let this tiny creature start to wither. I can see already that her face is thinner than it once was. Her cheek bones have become more prominent as her face has hollowed out. I am almost angry at Katniss. How could she do this? How could she just give up on her family like this? My thoughts are interrupted as their house comes into view. Oh, God. What am I going to say? Get up, Katniss. You need to hunt. Yeah, like that would work.

I turn to Prim and hand her the loaves of bread. I gently grab her face and wipe away the frost and snowflakes with my thumbs and bend down to kiss her forehead. "You go inside and get your mother and eat. I'm going to go help Katniss." I say to her. Her bottom lip trembles as she nods before running into the house.

I slowly follow her up the path and stop at the doorway for a deep breath. I can't believe I'm doing this, caving so easily. I had told myself that I would give Katniss her space, that I would wait for her to come to me and accept her back with open arms. My plan was crumbling before my eyes however, as I start to walk back to the bedroom but stop as I see Katniss sitting in a chair facing a blank wall in the living room.

I stand there behind her and to the side, near the middle of the room, and watch her concentrate on seemingly nothing. I wonder how she hasn't sensed me watching her yet. As a hunter she always knew when someone was near; it was a quirk of hers that I had always found rather amazing. But as I shift my weight and the floorboards creak and she still doesn't turn, I realize what Prim was saying earlier, about her being her mother, has more than a ring of truth in it.

She sits on a piece of furniture that is more of a stool than a chair. Her hair is not braided back; this is only the third or second time I have seen it down. It is unkempt, and hangs in front of her face. It seems she is wearing her sleep clothes, a gown that look as though it is worn out enough to be washed to rags by now. Her hands rest in her laps idly. Her feet don't touch the floor so they rest on one of the bars at the bottom of the stool. I finally look to her face. Her eyes are dull and lifeless, but bloodshot and puffy, as if she has been crying for days on end. Her lips are parted, drawing in shaking breaths that move her shoulders from their hunched position with each shallow intake of air. Her cheeks are pale, not flushed with color and life as I remembered them to be. A single tear rests just beside her nose, looking out of place on her otherwise emotionless face. She is a shell. She looks like a mess; battered and broken. But she is still beautiful, and always will be to me.

I want to cry as I see her sitting there, reminding me of her mother after her father died. I remember that I had looked over at her and wondered how she could do this to her daughters. Now I do the same thing to Katniss, and silently ask how she could do this to her mother and sister, people who really depend on her. But now, just like I did with her mother, I realize something. This girl's job right now isn't to be a provider for her family, it is to be heartbroken teenager, who has no one to tell her it will be okay. Prim is too young to truly comfort her and her mother is too broken, like her. I feel my heart break again, like it did when she made me leave, at the sight of this "almost girl," who is only almost alive.

I don't know how to approach this "almost girl," who is still unaware of my presence. It seems she has given up the hope that had been the only thing I could cling to, the only thing that had kept me from becoming an "almost boy."

I mull over my options on what I can do to save this girl that has my heart, which are few to none. The only thing I can do is come right out and confront her, it seems. Or comfort her. I go for the latter.

I take a deep breath and step behind her, carefully picking her up and caring her to her bedroom, while she thrashes around, trying to kick me punch me. I set her down on the bed and close the door, and eventually turn around to look into her eyes. They are no longer emotionless. Tears threaten to brim over the edges and underneath the inevitable anger at me for coming and getting her when I wasn't supposed to, I see the relief and love that is reflected in my own eyes.

I go to the bed and kneel on both knees on the ground, putting our heads at the same level. I hug her in my arms from her position on the bed until she stops pushing at me and clings for dear life as she sobs into my shirt. I feel my own body racked with sobs and together we sit there, for what could be minutes or hours or days, just holding each other and relishing in the feeling we could sit there forever, and it would never be long enough.

Eventually she pulls back and hold my face in her hands. I turn my head slightly and kiss the palm of her hand with my eyes closed.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers and I shush her.

"You don't have to explain. I get it. All of it. I love you. I always will, and I always have, since forever." She wraps her arms around my neck and I hold her as she whispers "I love you" over and over.

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**Sooo... did y'all enjoy it? I know I did, writing it. It was really hard though, because I didn't want them to fight:( but I need inspiration to write more, so if you are ready for the reaping (which will hopefully be next chapter) please review! oh, and I am moving tomorrow, to another state, so it could be a while before I update, unless I can write on my phone (which I find highly unlikely) soo please review so I know you want the next chapter;) REVIEW!**


	4. The AN D:

Hey guys! I am sorry this isn't a chapter D: I HATE A/N's as chapters so I am super sorry. But I am in desperate need of a beta. And I don't want to update until I do. Now PLEASE don't kill me, but I haven't even STARTED the next chapter. I have no inspiration :( so what I need in a beta is someone to yell at me when I won't write and inspire me when I can't. They need to be able to catch my spelling and grammar mistakes and if it doesn't flow right they need to be able to help me fix that. I know it's a lot to ask for but I really need someone. Thanks? If I get one soon I promise to update in a week if it is at all possible. Thanks, I love you guys! PM me or put it in a review if you want to be my beta and hopefully I will get a few people to choose from? Love you guys!


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